Struggles
by Shining Friendship
Summary: The New World - An exploration of John Smith and Pocahontas' thoughts about seeing each other again in Jamestown during the winter starvation scene.


**Disclaimer: I do not own The New World or its characters. **

_The New World_

Title: Struggles

Couple: John Smith/Pocahontas

Summary: John Smith and Pocahontas' thoughts about seeing each other again in Jamestown during the winter starvation scene. (Spoilers inside)

**Author Note: I loved this scene between the star-crossed lovers because I thought it really represented the struggles between their love for each other and the duties towards their people. Enjoy and please review!**

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**(Pocahontas' POV) **

It was a cold day during the middle of winter when my people and I walked the long trek to Jamestown. The animal skins felt warm against my body with the cool air and the soft snow trickling onto my face from the white sky. I knew that the English settlers' boats wouldn't arrive until spring and they were low on food so I convinced my father to let me guide some of our people to the fort to bring the white men food. We brought all that we could: pumpkins, corn, squash, and beans. It wasn't much, but hopefully it would be enough to fill their bellies and give them hope for a fresh start when spring came.

The real reason why I wanted to come to Jamestown was to see _him_ again. My love, John Smith, the man whom I rescued from death by the chiefs of my tribe for trespassing through our land. My father spared his life so that I could gain knowledge of his intentions here, but what I found was more. I found love. He was a god to me. The way he captured my heart and soul with one look into his soft brown eyes could make him no less than a god. I can still sense his eyes watching me as we walked so many times together through the forest before my people sent him back to the fort. I can still feel his rough, yet gentle hands trailing up and down my face and bare back. All those endless hours we spent playing in the meadows… getting lost in each other's arms… kissing like sweet lovers do. Everything came back to me when we reached the entrance to Jamestown and the one of men opened the gate for us to come in.

_I am coming to see you, my love_, I whispered to myself. _I am coming to be with you_.

For many moons since his departure I have longed to feel his strong arms wrapped around my body again, feeling warmth, contentment, and peace. I was whole with I was with him. He was my other half, my soul mate, my everything, and that was why I had returned. I needed to know why he hadn't come back to see me like I had dreamt he would for countless nights now. Will that gentle, loving look still be in his earthy brown eyes when he sees me again? Did he still carry the feather I gave him when we silently confessed our love for each other by the river? Will he still love me like I love and adore him?

_My love, do you still want me?_

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**(John Smith's POV)**

I never knew how hard getting through the winter in the New World would be without fresh supplies and food until I saw three little boys in the fort freezing, begging to go back to England. I couldn't blame them for feeling this way, but I tried to assure them that we would have food soon. As cold as the weather was, my thoughts were not on having a hot cup of tea or sitting next to a warm fire, at least not when I saw the naturals coming through the gate of the fort. My men hurried toward them, grasping everything they had brought: food, wood, anything to help us survive through these harsh weather conditions.

I was grateful, but confused as to why they were here. Their chief wanted nothing to do with me and my men, so why would his people be giving us food when he wants us to leave? Then I got my answer. It was _her._ The one who had stolen my heart even when my head was against such emotions. Pocahontas. She was the one who came to help us. Her generosity and kindness to men she didn't even know just made me love her all the more. That was one of the reasons why I fell in love with her. She was a saint, an angel sent down from the heavens that caught my eye and took my breath away.

This sweet, young Indian princess made me feel things I thought were never possible until I met her. She didn't know what I was really like, and yet knew me better than anyone. Pocahontas saw the gentler side of me, the part of me who loved the beauty of nature and peace. I was nothing more than an adventurer, a brave soldier to the men of Jamestown, but to her I was a human being. I was anything she wanted me to be. Oh, how I've missed the softness of her skin… the sweetness of her smile… the taste of her lips. She is my light, my happiness, and so much more, but she didn't belong here. My heart was telling me to grab her hand and run away with her into the forest to be with her alone at last, but my head was telling me different. I couldn't let her risk her life to help us. The weather was freezing, her father hated me with a burning passion, and who knew what my men would want from her next. It was too dangerous for her to be here.

I felt as if my heart jumped into my throat when I saw her walking towards me. Her captivating brown eyes studied me ever so gently. I was glad to see her again, but my head kept telling me she shouldn't be here. It wasn't her place to come out into the dead of winter to feed my starving men. She belonged with her people up the river, away from here where it was safe. I had no choice but to send her back.

"Don't put yourself in danger," the words from my head were telling her. "You don't have to do anything else…for us."

She gave me an innocence look, pure and gentle as the sea when it washes up on the shoreline, but there was something else there...hidden behind those beautiful eyes of hers. It was almost as if she was looking for something, the answer to a burning question that was plaguing her mind.

"Why have you not come to me?"

And there it was — the one question I knew that would make my heart take control of my body again. I felt my eyes soften up as the 'serious' facial expression I had given to help drive her away from this place slowly disappeared. I found myself falling in love with her all over again and I couldn't stop the feeling. She wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted to be with her.

Between love and fear, I didn't know what to say with so many others were around us, but it didn't stop me from remembering how much she meant to me. I remember taking out the feather she given to me, smelling the scent it still had from her hair. I kept it close to my heart when things around the colony continued to fall apart. Her love and spirit gave me courage to keep going no matter how hard the conditions had gotten. I knew exactly what she was feeling because I felt it, too. When I was with her, I lived in a fantasy far from my responsibilities as president of Jamestown. We were complete together — two souls joined as one. I reached out to touch her fingers as my heart softly spoke to her.

"I know, my love."

_I know how you feel_.

I looked around at all the faces in the colony and my brain took over once more. _She shouldn't be here_, I told myself again. I couldn't allow myself to get attached to her again when the boats were returning in the spring and her father wanted us gone from this land. My men couldn't know of our relationship either. If they ever knew what I truly felt for her, then they might use or harm her and take drastic measures to ensure their survival. She didn't know what men like me truly were, and I couldn't let her see that.

"Don't trust me," I told her as seriously as I could. "You don't know who I am."

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**(Pocahontas' POV)**

What was he saying? Why was he saying such things? I did know him and I trusted him with my life. If I was willing to go against my father's wishes and follow my own heart, then why couldn't he? I reached my right hand out for him to grasp, but he only wrapped his arms tighter around himself, trying to block me away. I knew he wanted to be with me. I could feel it in that single touch when his fingers brushed so softly against mine. He did want me, but something was holding him back from doing what his heart desired. What was it? Was it his men? Did he not want them to know about us? Or was he truly going to leave and never come back? I was too afraid to find out that answer. I couldn't start to think of the worst when he was still here. I just had to believe that he would return to me when spring came and never let him go for he was everything to me now.

_Come back to me, my love, _I sadly whispered to myself as I decided that it was time to leave the fort with my people. _Come back to me. I will be waiting for you **forever**._

"Remember," I said to him in a whisper with my fingers partially covering my lips before slowly turning around and leaving.

I quietly walked towards the gate of the fort, only to find every men from the colony down on their knees in gratitude for what my people and I had done for them, but I couldn't see nor hear them. I couldn't do anything, but walk away from the man I loved like he told me do to. As I continued walking, I could sense his eyes watching me, saddened by the fact I was leaving. The connection we had was so strong. I could literally _feel _his pain as he watched me go. The sorrow in his heart, the torment in his eyes, I could feel it all. This wasn't what either of us wanted, but for whatever reason it was he knew it was wrong for me to stay. Why couldn't we be together, Mother? There were still so many things I wanted to say to him, so many questions left unanswered, however my lips couldn't say a word. Just before I was out of sight from the fort, I whispered something to myself I knew he must've heard.

**_Who are you whom I love?_**

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**Thanks for reading! I'd like to know what you thought of it so please review!**


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